Wednesday, November 27, 2002

As soon as I finish writing this blog, I’m going to make myself go to bed. I don’t want to go to bed. I want to stay up. This is the most alert I’ve been all day. But I’ve been having a hell of a time getting myself up in the morning, so tonight I’m going to make sure I get enough sleep. Even if it means staring at the ceiling for two hours. It’s not fair that my body wants me to sleep all day and stay up all night. I have a nine o’clock class next quarter. My life is going to suck. I’m actually considering dropping my English minor because I don’t want to take the class; how sad is that?

I think I’m about to do something radical to change my happiness factor. I’ve been depressed lately. I can pinpoint one factor in particular that’s been poisoning my joy. It’s going to kill me to make the change, but it needs to be done. There’s a time and season for everything, and for a certain situation that’s been developing over the past few years for me, the time has passed. It’s time to do something new. And as much as I correlate the words “change” and “agony,” I can’t see how this shift will make me any more miserable than my neglect of a persistently miserable situation has made me.

So here’s to new days. And headaches. And sleepless nights. And my burgeoning trouble with nightmares, which is certain to be exacerbated. But also, to the hope that soon things will suck less, or at the very least, suck in a way that’s new and fresh that I'm not yet so very, very tired of.