Thursday, December 12, 2002

Tonight I'm feeling clever. And this is how I'm certain that I'm not really very clever at all. Clever people don't ever feel clever; They simply are clever. My cleverest attempts at being clever always fail; not cleverly, mind you, rather in an opposite orientation, actually.

So, tonight I'm feeling clever, and happy and contented. And it's nice for a change. As the Simpson's once put it, "Everything's coming up Milhouse!" and this, I understand.

It's strange how frantic activity inspires more frantic activity. Over the last two weeks I've been insanely busy, and while I'm generally quite good at doing nothing, at the moment I'm finding it difficult to sit still. I feel I have to be reading something, or writing something, or at the very lest redesigning my website. I'm forcing myself to try to relax. Despite earnest attempts at meditation, I've never managed clearing my mind, and so, though I'll probably try again tonight, I'll likely just...

Random change of subject. As an adult, if I saw a peer crying or throwing a fit, regardless of whether said peer was friend or foe, I would stop and wonder what was the matter with him. As a small child, I don't recall ever doing this. Is this because children are more egocentric, and simply don't notice or particularly care about said peer? Or is just because the occurance of small children crying is so much greater than the occurance of older folks crying, that I took it as commonplace then, and wrote it off as none of my business?

I did an awful thing today. This kid in one of my classes forgot one of her books, so I told her she could share mine for the final. However, I got done with my final really quite quickly; I was spurred on by the fact that my stomach was godawful upset and I was worried about puking in the middle of class. I know she was only just starting the part of the final that she needed the book for. But as she was just starting it, I could have been kept waiting another hour on her. And frankly, I wanted to go home since I'd already been testing my stomach at school for eight hours and I couldn't stand another. So I just picked up my book and left, and never looked back. I hope she did okay. It's not really my fault if she didn't, since she forgot her book on her own and all. But still, I do feel rather bad; If I would have shut my mouth and been less generous to start, she probably would've shared with someone else, and maybe she eventually did anyway. I couldn't have anticipated getting done early, I've used the entire two hours for every other exam I've had in that class. ::shrugs:: I'd be pissed at me if I were her, but, you know, hopefully I'll never see her again so...meh. And if I do, hopefully I can explain that I was sick and she'll understand.

I did another quasi-bitchy thing today. Revenge of the nerds I guess. Jeff asked if he could make copies of some of my notes for the exam, and I said okay. I did not say that he could have all of my notes, and do nothing on his own, and rely on my hard work (try six hours of compiling that junk) for his grades. So when he showed up for class and demanded my notebook, I told him no. He could make a copy of one page, so he'd better choose well. The copy he made had to be hand-copied, so at least he was doing SOMETHING. I was pissed. Why should I work for other people? Seriously, he had no right to demand all of my notes because I said I'd "help" him. When I say I'll help someone, I mean I'll labor with them, not instead of them. He'd already gotten four questions answered by me, including the two that ended up being on the test. So if he's not happy, well, screw him.

So, this quarter, I made many friends. I may have lost two of them today. One, justifiably might be a little angry; though, perhaps not, and the whole thing wasn't totally my fault even if she is. The other kid can take a flying leap for all I care, since he's a bloody leach and got on my nerves all of the time anyway.

I'm glad it's over.