Sunday, January 12, 2003

Today has been a horribly annoying day.

I woke up, decided to change the template on this, and messed it up unrecognizably. It's better now, but it's not right yet. And I'm too annoyed to work on it further. Miraculously, when I want to work on this damn thing, haloscan AND sitemeter both go down; and Blogger only decides to post approximately half of my changes.

My mom's sucking today. She's been sucking a lot lately. She accused me of wanting to kill her for her money the other day. This is ridiculous not only because it's stupid as hell to accuse your child of such a thing. But also because she doesn't have any money. And what's worse, considering that, over the past four years, she's been on the edge of death anyway and it would've taken almost no effort to knock her off, and in fact, that I saved her life numerous times over this period, it makes no goddamn sense. But that's life with a bipolar mother for you. Her paranoia doesn't have to make sense; her accusations don't have to have a basis; but even if her only reasoning is that she had a bad dream about you, she's justified in being pissed at you anyway because, miraculously, and in spite of the fact that you had nothing to do with it, it's still all your fault.

Today, she called me a spoiled brat because I didn't want the ceiling fan on because I was cold. Considering that it's 20 degrees outside, that this is an old and drafty house, and that the thermostat's only set to 66 anyway, I think I had every right to prefer the fan off. But no, apparently, the basic biological necessity of warmth is an example of "defiance."

It's not a wonder I have problems with authority when, at twenty years of age, my mother still screaches that I'm "defying" her about room temperature. The best part is that she doesn't even see the irony of the phrase. The Queen herself no longer claims that anyone "defies" her. But mom does. And she's justified so don't question her.

I have issues with my mother. I have so many issues with my mother that I feel guilty complaining about my mother. I wish to hell I had somewhere to go today. Who thought I'd be looking forward to school next week, when I nearly wept at the thought of going back last week?