Tuesday, October 28, 2003

I’m having another of my what-in-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life crises. I actually couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about it, though maybe I’m getting sleepy enough to go back to sleep now.

Here are my options, as I see them currently:

Law School:

Positives: I love/am good at debate, making an argument; there can be a lot of money in law; it’s a respectable enough career that I wouldn’t feel like I was disappointing all of the people who sort of expect me to do something with my life.

Negatives: Law is all about dressing up and putting on a show. I don’t like that sort of thing. I think that any argument worth making can be made in jeans and a t-shirt, and I prefer logical analysis to rhetorical flourish. And while I guess pursuing law would make me “successful,” I think I’d feel like a total bastard all of the time; as if I was selling my soul for social prestige and some money in my pocket.


Positives: My writing skills are such that I can be an extremely effective communicator; my explanatory skills are particularly honed and I am a very clear writer. If I’m successful in Journalism, it could take me all over the world. I could always have my hand on the pulse of everything that’s going on in the world. I’d love that.

Negatives: Journalism isn’t a walk in the park; it’s hard to succeed, and I really don’t want to end up writing for the News Journal. Like law, it’s a lot about who you know, and putting on show. Additionally, I’ve sort of wasted my history major, and I’ll have to go to at least another year of school in Columbus next year to major in Journalism. It’s possible I could do an English major and stay home, but I wouldn’t be as qualified, perhaps, as I’d like to be.

Teaching – High School.

Positives: Steady work, good pay, time off in the summer and not a hell of a lot of expectations on my time.

Negatives: I would be the worst high school teacher, seriously. I hate rules and regulations; I’m all about sticking it to the man, not making kids sign passes to use the toilet. I’m not good at PC kind of stuff that teachers deal with. I’d rather die than pay NEA dues.

Teaching – College.

Positives: Steady work, good pay, opportunities for travel, social prestige, time off.

Negatives: A minimum of three years in grad school. If I wanted to go to grad school, I should’ve turned my applications in this month. I haven’t even taken my GRE. There are no jobs in history. I could easily end up teaching at some pretentious prep school just because the job market sucks so much.

Treading Water – Wasting Time

I could go teach English as a foreign language somewhere for a year. I could try to get a job with the English free press somewhere in Eastern Europe. I could join the Peace Corp or the AmeriCorp and try to make a difference in the world while figuring out what the hell I’m doing with my life.


Major influences, currently, include my misery over the return of my father to my house. I don’t really want to live here anymore, even though I’m finding it exceptionally difficult to leave home. I'm emotionally retarded I think.

And, I don’t want to be a sell out. I want to do something meaningful. But I also don’t want to end up massively in debt like my parents.


As much as I hate college these days, it sure is a fair sight easier than figuring out what I want to do with my life! I wish things came easy. I wish I could just start an international news magazine or something, on a whim one weekend, and have everything fall easily into place.