Tuesday, December 16, 2003

I'm at Schwanny's blogging right now. April's sleeping in Rory's Bianca Bed.

I survived the trip up to Michigan even though April drives right up everyone's ass. We saw a license plate that looked like it said "Onions" but it didn't really. We also saw a store in which you could buy "Pills and Packages," which we thought was nice. April had to race with a bus and a cop in the 25 mile an hour zone.

In Michigan, everyone moves their hands when they talk. They have to do it to keep the wind from knocking them over. April bought an Ohio State shirt today. When she got pulled over by an imaginary cop from Michigan, he was going to ticket her because she was wearing OSU stuff. But she claimed that she couldn't read it and thought it said Michigan. The cop thought it over and said: "Well, we are illiterate in Michigan" and decided to let her go. Then he asked, "That is a nice shirt, does it come in Michigan?" And then a bus drives by, and sticks out its little hands and says: "Beeeeeeeeeep."

When you drive in Michigan, Michigan welcomes you. And then it invites you to shop at its wonderful Beef Jerky Outlet store.

And on the back of a truck in Ohio, in Monroeville I believe, we saw what I would describe as a shape, but April thought it looked like a boobie purse. That is to say: "It's like you've got a purse, but the bottom of the purse is cut out, and the boobies are falling out of the bottom but the straps are still up there at the top of the purse."

Oh yes, and Clyde, Ohio is the Lime capitol of the world. You can tell because they grow so many limes. It's freakin' green from it.

Celine can sing me "Oh Holy Night" any time.

April has nervous poop and peexiety. She whined about having to poop all the way from Clyde, where she refused to poo, but now that she's here she won't go. On Rory's road though, she freaked out because this guy had to turn and was blocking the road in fornt of her. She screamed "Goddamnit hurry up I have to pee!" then she floored her car and hydroplaned to nowhere. It was great.