Monday, February 03, 2003

Well, I did go last night. But I never finished my Biology reading. I think most of it wasn't applicable to what we're doing in class. I think, and this isn't entirely mysterious, I might have missed almost nothing the day I skipped. Maybe my friend's notes weren't bad per se; it was just that there really was nothing to write. Anyway, I have to go memorize the stages of mitosis. And I have to go to school early to use their broadband to download the powerpoint crap I need to study. It's irritating as hell that they had to make it into a powerpoint presentation, rather than just doing the sane thing, knowing full well that most of the folks around here don't or, like me, can't have broadband, and just stick up a zip file of highly compressed gifs. But no. Boring.

I guess I talk a lot about school because I sort of require myself to write in here a lot, and the only thing I do with a lot of consistency is go to school. It's probably boring for everyone, but it's my life at this point, so, ::shrugs::. A lot of the other stuff I'm thinking, for one reason or another falls under the unbloggable category, on account of I found out early on, it's easy to upset people. Though to be fair, I've been walking on egg shells about a number of things, while I've seen my name pop up in certain other blogs with some serious hate involved.

My brother tells me that a lot of my friends "aren't nice people." He might be right. That may be a problem for me; coincidentally, it was a problem for him too, though he's forgotten the fact now. The problem for me is learning how to assert myself without A) becoming someone who isn't very nice; and B) losing friends that I'm rather fond of because I've "changed." But sometimes my lack of assertiveness is almost comical. I can see that as clearly, or perhaps more clearly, than anyone else. But the fact has probably saved me far more trouble than it's ever caused me, and that's why I keep on with it. It should be remembered that even if I am hypersensitive to some things, if I wear blue plants instead of black, or black boots for winter instead of my allstars, or talk about getting surgery so I don't have to wear my annoying-ass heavy glasses anymore, all of that meets pretty harsh criticism. I've never been particularly vain about appearance; I'm always fairly practical before the pressures of doing what I've always done comes in to bite me in the ass. I hear all the time that "No! You have to do thing X because you've always done thing X!" I have pictures from the first fourteen or fifteen years of my life which tend to contradict those assumptions, actually. And why should I be allowed to stop progressing anyway? Screw everybody.

Anyway, I'm in a very odd mood today. Very distant, in some respects. But more ready to deal with the world in others. I've got all my stuff together for the getting of my passport tonight. And that feels nice and progressive. And I think I'm ready for that exam today. Or I will be, come hell or highwater. So, off to meet the challenge, I go.