Friday, May 30, 2003

Today was another day that sucked a lot. I could hardly pull myself out of bed, but I finally managed it, running late and all that. Was just about to run out the door when my mom came out and said she was sick. Very sick. She told me to go to school, but I could see she really meant it when she said she felt bad. Anyway, long story short, another long day with doctors and pharmacies and all that. Depressing. I always wish that she's healthy. But especially now. I feel bad going to Europe if she's sick. It's probably for the better that she won't really find out her test results until a few days after I'm gone. If there's something else serious, I'm not sure I could get on the plane. It's not as if I can do anything about anything. But if she has to suffer through the miseries of the hospital, it seems that I should too. Or in any case, I shouldn't much be enjoying not. It's a strange thing that in my desire not to be self-centered, I really become all the more self-centered. Here I am concerned about what I'll do if she's sick, when the real concern is how she'll get through getting sick again.

I'm pretty generally disgusted with my family as a whole today. It's funny that I'd give my life for any of them, but half the time I have the urge to projectile vomit if we're in the same room together.

I have two papers to write this weekend, and a rather boring book to read. It'll be terrific.

I've been watching cartoons a lot lately. And I find myself disturbed by the violence. Not the kind that blue haired soccer moms get upset over. But the kind that I never really noticed when I was a kid. Superheros are always running around throwing buildings and smashing dams and such. It seems only logical that there should be people in those buildings, and in those streets. It seems only logical that they must die en masse. I never thought of it much when I was a kid. Even if I had, I guess I would've shrugged it off. But I find it most disturbing now. It's not limited only to cartoons of course. I noticed it in the new X-men movie too. Regular folks die while superheros show off.