Thursday, June 05, 2003

I just wrote a really huge paper on a topic I know next to nothing about since I read the book over a month ago. The paper is pretty poorly written. And I think I just don't give a damn. I'm going to try to proofread it in the morning, but I think my chances are good that my paper just happens to suck. It's fine. This quarter's almost over anyway; and I'm going to Europe, so who cares?

Anyway, I'm feeling kind of peculiar lately. Almost despaired and disconnected. I think it's related to Europe, though I'm not sure why. All of my feelings about leaving are positive, so I can't imagine why there should be so much looming sadness. I guess I do have a vague fear it won't really come about, but that's dying off as the date comes closer.

On the other hand, I have a lot of things bothering me right now. I have a feeling that going away is going to change things in my life a lot. That it'll change me a lot. And I know that changing is hard, and I'm worried about it. Not just going away really. But there are a lot of things going down right now with my parents that are going to change my life considerably. It's nerve wracking in a way I haven't felt since I was a kid and they first got separated.

But enough of all that emotional stuff. I can't connect it to anything much, so I can't really discuss it much. And I don't want to be miserable anyway. I want to be happy, so I will be. I'm going to concentrate on how I did my last trip to Columbus today, and then I'm going to think about going to bed. And then I'll be quite happy indeed.