Friday, February 13, 2004

I’m kind of depressed right now. It seems like all of my relationships are becoming adversarial and stagnant. I think it’s my attitude that’s to blame.

It’s sort of strange, but I don’t feel like I’m really anywhere anymore. My heart isn’t at home, and it isn’t in Mansfield, and somehow I know if it’s not in either of those places, it’s not going to be anywhere else either.

Where can you go to escape from yourself?

I know the answer to my problem. But somehow I can’t kick myself into action. It’s frustrating to see such a glaring weakness in my own character. I worry that other people can see it too. I worry that if anyone else knows my weakness, they’ll resent me as much as I do.

I know that I’ve been really selfish lately. I know that I’m being self-indulgent by even writing this blog today. It isn’t as if this thing is introspection. I don’t even know why I write at all sometimes, when I know perfectly well that no one’s really hearing me. It’s useless, and all I want in the world, is to be just a little useful to someone or something.