Friday, July 02, 2004


Moral action is complex. There are so many variables to consider.

Right now I’m facing a lot of issues that I don’t really know how to handle. I really want to be a good person. I want to do the right thing. I know that I mess up constantly. I know that my reasoning isn’t always straight. I’m often selfish, blinded by my own desires, or just plain shortsighted. But I’m always trying to do the right thing.

Trying to do the right thing is only enough in the context of an individual person. It’s good for my soul that I want to do the right thing. But my inability to achieve true righteousness and wisdom spells disaster for everyone around me. I can’t remember how the old saying goes. Something like “The path to hell is paved with good intentions.”

I have good intentions, all right. Even grand intentions sometimes. But I’m terrified by the possibilities in front of me. Action equates to anguish, in this situation; that’s a certainty. Fail to act, in this situation, and there’s nothing left but anguish; that’s a certainty.

Where does one draw the line between being driven ragged, and being able to forgive ones self for simply being too tired? Adrenaline can only rush you through so many days when the tension won’t let you sleep at night.

If I knew what the right thing was, I would do it and be at peace. But I don’t know. That’s the central problem of humanity: too little clarity, and too little self-confidence. But maybe I’m overestimating man again.

I just want this year to be over.