Sunday, January 05, 2003

I find it amusing that people seem to suspect there's something sinister in my character. I honestly have no idea why they do. I've hardly ever done anything purposely mean to anyone in my life. And yet, I've always been considered highly suspect. I used to chalk it up to my dark clothing and taste for heavy metal music. But I'm not so obviously dark these days; and a lot of the people who seem to think I'm sinister have no idea what sort of music I listen to, anyway.

I guess that's the price of rejecting the majority system. Rebellion, the intellectual sort anyway, isn't any fun at all. It's a deadly serious busines. And it's the furthest thing from enjoyable. It isn't easy to be weird; even the most innocuous unordinary moves are thought to be a danger.

I was told last night that I'm a "curious examiner of human motives." That I refer to people in language which most people reserve for objects. I think I was being accused of objectifying human beings in general. I don't think it's true. While I may bear occasional guilt for underestimating certain folks and reducing them to one or two base motivations and traits, in general I've always been quite good at seeing that people rarely work entirely rationally, or entirely irrationally, and that most things in life are far from absolutely black and white. I'm much more comfortable in the gray areas than most people are.

New Years Resolution Update:

Much success so far on watching less television; and I didn't watch any at all on Friday. It may be more difficult when I'm on my more regular school schedule, and I have a lot of time that I have to spend just waiting around.

Some success on devoting more of my life to philosophy. I've managed to spend more time alone, sure, but I haven't been of a particularly philosophical mind lately. So, I'll say that I've been somewhat successful. My conversations haven't been of a noticably higher quality.

I've been largely successful on the third front. I've been writing quite a lot, with some success. But I haven't managed ten whole minutes of each day for music. But I guess I did play my guitar for half an hour yesterday, and that was sort of like making up for the other days, right? Heh, well, not really. But I still feel generally positive about the thing.