Wednesday, January 21, 2004

If I took the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life, and multiplied it exponentially, I think I might get close to how I'm feeling right now. Not really. I guess that's melodrama. But it's genuine melodrama. It's honest-to-God how I feel right this second melodrama.

Nobody can crush your ego like a mom can. They bring you into this world, and by God they can make you feel fucking awful once you're in it. Having raised you up on their knees from infancy, they know all of the best ways to get to you. And when they're in a mood, damned if they don't use it.

The other day I wrote that I was happy. And right now I'm on the pinnacle of despair. The closer I get to heaven, the harder my fall back down always is. But despite my current suffering, I really am a happy person. I'm just going to have to seriously humble my idiotic self to remember it.