Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Post-Philly Update

I've had an eventful week. I was so busy, through most of it, that I could hardly breathe. But it was mostly quite nice. And I guess I got a lot done, even though I still have a lot more to do.

The biggest thing was my trip to Philadelphia. But before I could get to that, I had to take this midterm for my online Vietnam history class. I'm not doing well in my class; it's poorly designed, and nobody's doing very well. When I figured out that hard work wouldn't get me good grades, I started slacking. My average actually went up in the class after I stopped reading everything; it's so bad that blind luck is often better than actual preparation. But anyway, that left me rather ill-prepared for the midterm.

So I spent the majority of my time last week catching up on stuff I should have been doing for the past eight weeks. I had to read two books, as well as take notes on the lecture notes. And then I had to take my exam. Outside of the horrible rush, and all the pressure to do well, it ended up not being so bad. I had until Sunday night to take the exam, but since I was leaving for Philadelphia Friday morning, I ended up taking the midterm Thursday night/Friday morning. So, I finished the exam at 4:30am or so, and since I had to be at Jasmin's by 6:30am, and I still hadn't packed, I ended up not sleeping at all.

That made for an inability to calculate time all throughout the trip. Which day was which day? It's hard to remember, because I was drowsy, to say the least, throughout. And I took a lot of five minute naps, which sort of reset my internal clock each time. I didn't sleep much on the trip in general, thanks to Jasmin's super-hyper mom. So it's really sort of confusing.

But the trip was great. We saw all of the big things: the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin stuff, Independence Hall, the Art Museum. But my favorite stuff was a little more off the beaten path: the Mutter Museum, the Eastern State Penitentiary. We also had a really nice tour of Christ Church, which is a pretty convential tourist attraction I think, but not very many people were actually there.

I got to think a little on the trip, which is something that I haven't had much time to do lately. I feel pretty disconnected from a lot of things just now. But through the first part of the trip, I was sort of walking on air in a lot of ways. Every person I saw made me happy; I had this strange connection with them. Or really, not with them, but what was within them. I had a strong sense of the image of God in each human being; of the presence of God in man, and actually, in all things.

But the problem was, much as with my moods, my spiritual highs are usually followed by spiritual lows. Sunday was a difficult day. It was almost impossible to control my temper. I just kept getting mad about things that can't be helped. I was jealous and unusually temperamental. I didn't feel any connection to anything much that day. I spent most of my time wishing I didn't exist anymore. Which isn't to say I was suicidal. I'm never that. But when life gets to be too much, I do have a tendency to daydream. It's probably a sin, but it makes me feel better, and it's helped me to cope with a lot of seemingly endlessly desperate situations.

Anyway, I'm feeling a little better now. I skipped my Biology exam Monday. I got away with it, because you can drop one of your tests, and I chose that one. I feel a little guilty about it - I've never done anything like that in college, but I know it'll be okay if I can just wake myself up and make myself work hard. I can do that. I think I'm even prepared to do it.

Other than that, I've been working on Jasmin's computer, and I think I almost have it fixed now. That makes me really very happy. I feel sort of responsible for it being broken. I didn't break it, but when somebody has me looking at their computer a lot, I unconsciously assume guardianship over it. When something's wrong, I always feel like it's my fault for not taking better care of it. But it's almost fixed now, so that will be nice.

I think I'm going to spend some time with my niece tonight, which should also be kind of fun. I don't know what we'll do yet, but it's always nice to see her. I've been so busy lately that I'd sort of forgotten where my real priorities are. But now I remember.